Hello everyone,

I'm new here and have never sought help online like this before, so I apologize if this ends up being long-winded. However, this issue has been burning me up quite and a bit, and it's something I just can't discuss with anyone I know.

Anyway, to begin with I am a 19-year old college student. Since starting college (but particularly during this year) I have really grappled with trying to understand my sexual identity. Last year, I made the conclusion that I must be asexual: I had never been in a relationship or really even wanted to be in one; had never really found anyone to be attractive or, again, even cared about looks; had never masturbated; and had never really felt any strong sexual desire towards anyone else. Coming to this realization was difficult enough, but now things have come up that have made this even more complicated and confusing.

I live in an apartment with three other friends, all of them male and the same age as me. One of these friends I was acquaintances with in high school, but we became a lot closer in college. Now, recently I have found myself experiencing some feelings towards him that I just have no idea how to interpret. Basically, what is most confusing is that I have this desire to see him naked. "Desire" probably isn't the best word, because it stops right there. I don't want to have sex with him or anything like that, I just want to see him naked for whatever reason. As I write this I realize how ridiculous and weird this probably sounds.

Now, I really don't think there are any sexual feelings behind this, although what confuses me is that you could say that I do think he is a good-looking guy (something I've never really experienced before), and I do often get erections when he walks out of the bathroom in a towel after taking a shower, or bends down and I happen to (admittedly purposely) catch a glimpse of his behind. Should I take these erections I get as signs that I am actually experiencing sexual desire toward him, even if I have no real desire to have sex with him? I would like to hug him or touch him in a non-sexual way, but I'm a touchy-feely person, so that's normal to me (he on the other hand is not at all).

Moreover, I sometimes find myself occasionally getting weirdly obsessive over him. Like, for instance, if he's talking to one of my other housemates more than me I'll end up feeling angry or think he's ignoring me or or doesn't like me as much as them. I know this sounds a lot like jealousy in a typical relationship, but again, I don't know where that general lack of sexual desire factors into this.

I guess most of my confusion comes from the fact that I don't know what to make of these feelings. Does this mean that I am gay? And if this ends up being sexual attraction, what do I do then? My friend is straight, although I believe he has only had sex once (last year). I don't know if I could ever see myself telling him about these feelings.

Looking over this, I apologize for how long this ended up being, but I think all these details are important to include. Anyway, thank you all for taking the time to listen.