Thanks OE

I can only imagine how difficult things are fro you leading up to your mediation. I wish something magic would happen and you were able to afford to have your therapist there for you on the day.......and also that your horrible neighbour was made to own up and pay for all of the devastation that he has wrecked on you and your livelihood. I am quietly furious on your behalf , and about the complete injustice of it all. Huge kind and warm to you.

Life throws stuff at us, and in my case I managed and managed and coped until I broke. And I do feel largely broken, and desperately sad about that. But I also recognise that I am making small improvements along the way.

I am desperately sad right now, feel completely overwhelmed looking at all the names I need to choose from to try to find a new therapist....let alone having to deal with the end, the final goodbye, the loss of my current therapist. I am so scared of the pain I begin to feel and shove away.

I had a difficult experience at uni today.....I was in a lecture about diversity, and reducing marginalisation for those diverse members of society.... and the lecturer spoke about "people in psychotherapy" and cracked a joke at the expense of that population (me!) implying that you had to have a really serious and 'bad' problem if you were in therapy. It was a HUGE trigger to me, on so many levels...and I had to manage becoming instantly tearful, and then angry!!

I was so angry! I had to keep my head down. I don't know what he said for a while...then he called my name and expected a response....and I did not want to look at him for fear he would see the anger in my expression!!!!!! So instead, it came across as disrespectful and rude on my part!!!! GAH!!! I was so upset.

SO.....

I decided later in the day (it was a day long lecture/workshop) to talk to him about it.I did not want him to have the wrong impression.....and I also wanted him to understand that his behaviour was itself doing the very thing that he was trying to teach us NOT to do. He made assumptions, his actions marginalised me and all people undergoing therapy, and he PISSED ME OFF!!!

I will never allow someone to treat me that way again......... well, for today at least I stood up for myself. It is new. It felt good. It was bloody scary. I survived. Now I am exhausted.

I just can not tolerate injustice, marginalisation and oppression in any form....probably why I am studying what I am. It seems though......that I am finally beginning to stand up for myself, instead of only doing it for other people.........