Thread: My Fault?
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Old Jun 10, 2007, 01:30 PM
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Rapunzel Rapunzel is offline
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I think that the only way to lessen the stigma will be for more of us to be open about having mental illnesses, so that people can start to see that we aren't the stereotyped crazy people, needing to be locked up somewhere, or incapable of doing things for ourselves. We need to stop believing the stigma too, and get out there and participate in life. Mally, your friend might just not know what you would like her to do, now that she knows that you have depression. You could try contacting her again and letting her know that you are the same person you have always been, and that you are still her friend, and still want to do the things that you used to do (if you do want to). Let her know what you would like her to do to help you, if you do want her help. When you told her about your depression, did you hope for some support or understanding? Did you just want to find out if your friendship is strong enough for that kind of openness? Even if you didn't mean to let that slip, maybe if you think about what you felt when you told her that, you will know what it is that you would like from her, and when you explain that to your friend she will probably be more comfortable. Disclosures like that have the potential to disrupt the roles that people are used to playing, and then they don't know what their role should be and we are all uncomfortable when we don't know what to do. If you help her to find her role, maybe she won't need to run away.

It is also possible that she has fears or other emotions or other learning that makes her feel too uncomfortable to continue the relationship. If that is the case, then it is about her issues, and not about you. If she was your friend before, then it isn't you she is rejecting, but a concept that she isn't ready to deal with for whatever reason. That's one of the reasons it is good to have lots of friends. Then if one can't be there for you, someone else probably can, and you will be okay. There are lots of reasons to have more friends. Then you have more opportunity to be there for them too, and to learn about more people and relationships.

For some people it is more comfortable to have a few close friends, rather than a lot of acquaintances. There is nothing wrong with that, as long as your friends are also comfortable in those relationships. One thing that we sometimes need to be careful of is not to lean too much on any one friend. We need to understand their limits too. Not saying that you did - just another reason for having more friends. You will find the right balance for you.

Rap
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