Nobody in my life listens to me, it doesn't matter what I say or how I say it. In those rare moments that looking at their faces I think that they have truly listened to me, they continue our conversation or argument like I hadn't said a single word. I try not to speak now, even when my grandmother yells at me about how she would like me to spend my life or how much I remind her of my father wich is a drunk. It's just.... I'm not proud of that. I didn't choose it. And unless she makes me very, very angry I never say something like that to her, never bother her unless it is unvoidable and never ask anything bigger from her than, and only sometimes, a piece of food! It just makes me so angry, and the feeling that there is noone to talk about this makes me feel so lonely. And, I can do nothing about it. I can't move out because I can't get a job because I'm just a teenager. And that helplesness feeling, the fact that I can do nothing about it drives me crazy and more depressed.

P.S. I live with my mother, her parents and her sister. My mothers sister is the only person in this house that is somewhat kind to me, though she doesn't listen either. My mother and that drunk are divorced, thank god, though she contacts him from time to time wich doesn't help either.

P.S. Oh, and few months back I got to try this thing where you learn your School subjects from your Computer since I had to spend two hours everyday driving in a crappy bus to a usual School. And she is here for most of the time.


I'm sorry if this sounds paranoid, unlogical, doesn't make much sense. Since I try to not speak for a long time now, it is hard for me to build any good sentences, tell something logicaly.