So I just got released from the hospital yesterday and am dealing with a few things today, thoughts swirling in my mind and such.

The first one is dealing with stigma. I haven't worked in months and am applying for SSDI, been in the hospital twice recently, and just generally having a really tough time. When people I know ask me how I'm doing, I feel so much shame and embarrassment about telling them that hey, I'm doing absolutely nothing these days and I'm dealing with a serious illness. I don't want their pity, even though they are my good friends. How do other people respond to situations like this, especially if you're unable to work? What if a new acquaintance asks you the all too common question, "What do you do?"?

The second thing is...even though multiple doctors have given me the same diagnosis over the years, I am having so much trouble accepting that I truly am (or have) bipolar. At night I pour my handful of pills into my palm and feel such sadness. Is this really my life? Yet I know that if I were to stop taking them, my life would fall apart. On top of it I have a thyroid condition now (because of lithium) that I have to take even more medication for. It's just all really hard to take...even after all these years I can't accept it. Anyone else have trouble with this? Was there anything that helped you to accept your bipolar?

Thanks.