Nothing deep here, but I have a question. I've been reading about different types of / theories on transference.

Most recently I read about Kohuts Selfobject transference notion. I am wondering.. how does the transference manifest itself? That is, what determines the way we experience the transference? Does it come from the client's needs or the traits of the therapist or both or ??

I experienced Selfobject transference with someone not my T but like a T. I am having a very hard time moving away from it and in fact I want to move away from feeling it toward her, but I still want it. I feel like I need it. But.. what do I know?!?!

So I'm wondering... can it be re-created with my T? If so how and are there pre-requisites? Is it my choice now that I know about it and like it and want it? Does it even matter that I like it and want it? Is it her (T's) choice how transference happens? Is it a process that is manipulated to fit the client? the T?

spinning in circles trying to figure it out.