Wow!
You sound very down , I have never experienced what you have felt . I have travelled a bit and seen starvation and misery in the world and that opened up my eyes.
What you must be feeling sounds terrible , I really hope you give it a few days , usually this feeling goes away. You must be strong . Hope you can find a friend to speak to .
People always say thier is always something new around the corner, which is true , life is like a book we have interesting tales .
Please stay well and I know you will have another good experience to tell.
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