I agree that trust is hard and talking about it is hard. So many of my early childhood memories are gone from the danger and abuse of childhood. One of the first things I wrote for my T was how hard it is to trust someone but I was a place where I either had to trust and get help or die. I chose to get the help. It has been very, very hard but I do trust my T - he has always been there for me and for his other patients, as well. I write him pages and pages every week which he reads between sessions and we discuss things in them that he feels I have avoided. I have the right to say, no, to discuss things if I am not ready. I am fortunate in that many of my old horror memories come back to me when I am in his office (a safe place for me) so he can help me deal with them. Childhood abuse is so destructive to our psyche - it is insidious (at least for me) because it caused me to form a place where "I" go to escape and that part of me is not accessible to me somehow. Anyway, however painful the memories are, it helps to get them out and be able to deal with them. To understand (at first, simply to be told) that you are not to blame - that you are the victim of the abuse - that you did nothing wrong. It takes a while to come to actually believe that (I am still not certain I believe it 100% but I am getting there). When the time is right you will talk about it. In the meantime, talk with your T (or write about it) about your fear of being abandoned by him (her?). I have had the same nightmare and have written it for him, over and over. I think those nightmares and fears are very common to all of us who have been abused and abandoned in childhood.