Do some things upset you to the point where it just ruins your day, knowing it's happened? Today, I got to my college, as normal, and one of the classmates hurries in and says that the 'pro-life' group in town had just put up a huge poster with a bloody, grotesque image of a fetus (right where the highway is, so EVERYONE can see, including kids of all ages). The police were even called (I don't know if it was actually taken down, but I hope I never have to see it).

When I heard about this, and when no one would stop talking about it (besides my good friend), I became unsettled, emotional, and enraged. It was absolutely offensive to me only in the fact that they had to take something that I had gone through and smash it into my face. I'm fine for them protesting for pro-life. I don't care either way (I swing both ways, honestly, for different reasons, but please don't ask, as it's not a subject I'm happy discussing for reasons I will soon explain). I just don't want to see something that belongs in a HORROR movie or a NIGHTMARE to be everywhere, especially where LITTLE KIDS can see it!

This isn't the first time they've sent me to the point of anger and multiple fits of tears. A stand at a children's convention (meant for parents who Have KIDS) had been selling rubber fetuses of a baby at 10 weeks...

... ... ...how big my first born would have been if I hadn't lost him. I had a traumatic miscarriage that, truth be told, I wish I could have sued the pants off someone for not listening to me. I lived in a small town, and the doctors didn't bother with even ONE doppler visit (even when I was supposed to be almost 10 or 11 weeks). From about 5 weeks on, I complained of EXTREME bloating (I LOOKED halfway through a pregnancy, I was so big), I was spotting all the time, I was in constant pain in the pelvis, and I even lost ALL of my pregnancy symptoms. Still, they just thought I was being paranoid. They said 'you already had an emergency ultrasound at 5 weeks. You don't need another one until 18 weeks. Turned out, I lost the baby two DAYS after the ultrasound, and the swelling was from the blood and infection. I lost the pregnancy symptoms because no hormones were being made, and the pain was from my body desperately trying to go through the process by itself (for like 6 weeks total). I ended up with an emergency D & C so I didn't die from the infection.

I, to this day, still miss that little one, and I hold him dear in my heart. But, when someone comes along and does something so STUPID and DISRESPECTFUL as posting a DEAD BABY poster on a bridge of EVERYONE to see, I can't help but HATE those people. I don't care about what they stand for...I hate THOSE people!

I guess I just need support from people who understand how strongly someone WITH autism feels and reacts. I didn't do anything more than call the police, but I just want it GONE.

I know I shouldn't LET this like that get me (especially since I didn't see the poster (THANK GOD!!!!) ), but still...KNOWING that it was there and that my whole class TALKED about it (yes, they were horrified by it as well, so they were on my side, but I didn't want to even acknowledge that it was THERE).

This post is NOT about whether pro-life or pro-choice is better. It's all about THIS...

I'm angry, because people did something OBVIOUSLY inappropriate from the laws that I'm aware of. (no disturbing images of gore, nudity, etc in public). Then, I heard from some classmates that the police might not be ABLE to do anything, from the 'freedom of speech' thing. I wish I could have torn that poster apart, burned it, and forced those who put it together (and who thought a horrific picture like that would be a GOOD idea to get people to be on THEIR side) to eat the ashes.

GAH. I just... ... ...I'm STILL crying. I'm already stressed from everything happening in life and with finals in school, and THIS had to be the topic of choice today!?!??! Can I PLEASE not be forced to listen to people talking about how horrible it is? (because I know first hand).

It's like a rape victim having to constantly hear how horrible rape is...or someone in the military and fought in battle have to see images of what the battle actually looks like. It brings back those memories and painful feelings. It's like a b**** slap right across the face (pardon my french). I just want to forget, but right now, I'm having a hard time distracting myself with ANYTHING pleasant! ((yes, in class, I DID try to block everyone out, but I don't have noise isolation headphones or anything. I only have noise reducing...and they don't do THAT much, either...)).

...I'm sorry. I guess I just want to know that other moms have experienced similar things or understand the feelings. Am I completely over the top? Or do I HAVE a right to be angry with that horrible poster they put up?