pinksoil !! LOL!! LOL!!

Thank you for your great reply. I have talked about it in session and need to talk more, especially now that she knows I understand the concept a bit. It came up late in last session that I was reading about this so I will continue it next session. Hurry up, Friday!!

For sunny and sister: The best I can explain Kohut's Selfobject transference (where is ak when I need her!!?) is what Michael Kahn says in his book "Basic Freud": "... his (Kohut's) description of the "selfobject" transference: the hope that here at last is the parent for whom I have been hoping and waiting." The parent who mirrors to the child that they are the most wonderful of all; the parent from whom the child learns that she doesn't have to cope with the overwhelming world because one or the other parent is calm, confident, and competent and will take care of things while the child becomes stronger and more experienced, establishing a sense of security; and the parent who invites the child to share adult activities so the child hears the (unspoken) message "I am like mommy or daddy." and therefore is acceptable and like other people. The needs for love and security are met and the child can grow.

In my case I came upon someone who was very nurturing and supportive and mirroring and encouraging. Her words immediately were intoxicating to me. She really instantly became that parent I always wished for, daydreamed about, longed for so deeply. I'm now stuck there, pulling away from relating to her this way, but still feeling the longing painfully. I need some place for it to be!

I hope the explanation helps!

ECHOES