(((((((((((hug)))))))))))
I find myself falling into the past "why?" "what did that mean?" "what if..."----and you are right, we can never know---it is what we can do with our questions along the journey that become the stuff that can sustain, or block us as individuals.
My first T. dropped me----first saying I was "fine" and could "do this on your own"; only to find out that he really did not want to "deal with" what he thought my issues were (this was confirmed by him...at first I was angry---he would have let me buy the lie and walk away...and he, of all people, given his background, I thought would have been competent to help me---if he didn't want to---I must (I thought) be REALLY BAD.
It was hard to deal with, and I ended up somehow coming to terms with that with the woman he referred me to after I learned his real reason for ending.
I suggest using some sort of creative activity to express your feelings and thoughts, see what they connect up with for you---I know that collage helps me, what happens as I let things go often surprises me, same with writing-----and physical activity also helps over time.
The only piece that matters is not the "why" of the other but your use of the experience, take the good, know the why may have nothing to do with you, and says more about the other than about you. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Now that I have mouthed off, I will go back to see the old thread:{}