I know a lot of people don't understand, but there are people who should understand (either have or have been touched by depression in their lives) for whom the problem is not that they don't understand but that they don't consider me a close enough friend to want to take some effort or responsibility to help at all. I don't mean people should be "responsible for me" but it's like you have a friend of a friend who has depression, you're not going to go out of your way to help them, you figure their friends have them covered.

It's like all along I though I had really close friends when really what I've had is good aquaintences.

No one able or willing to step up, not even once in a while. I'm not looking for someone to burden, just wish I didn't have to go for weeks or months at a time without seeing ANYONE for a friendly visit or get together. I realize now that all the socializing I used to do, that convinced me I had such close friends, was because largely I was the one who always made the effort to get out and be where they were and to do what they were doing. The few exceptions to that are now gone either physically or emotionally from my life.

If I had someone I thought gave a damn just once in a while to visit and help me out and make an effort and not just lip service I wouldn't mind if 99% of everyone else never spoke to me again. In my history I've never needed a lot of friends, just a few good ones.

I feel mislead and abandoned.