Oh, I definitely see your point. There's no question that each friendship is different and they can't really be compared to each other.

I think one of my greatest faults is overthinking.
(No, really?)

But I just think it's really strange that the closer I get to someone, when I should be feeling more secure, it actually makes me feel more than vulnerable, almost threatened. I'm not describing that right; it's not the same category. It puts pressure on the center of the relationship, and makes it feel more intense than it is.

Then again - all avoidant friendships are intense. The commitment to the friendship an avoidant has to make to counteract the avoidant impulses supersedes almost all other types of relationships out there. There are plenty of married folks who's relationships don't come close to the avoidant friendship level, poor fools.

So to put a damper on that intensity, I fall back on thinking the other person does not care as much as I do. I think that's pretty crappy of me, but I'm aware of that default, and I challenge it whenever I see myself doing it.

I don't only do that with relationships. I have suicidal ideation that has the same effect. Like someone with money troubles thinks, oh if I could only win the lottery, if I get in a super stressful situation I think, well, there could always be some kind of accident that would make everything null and void.

But all that is just muddling the point.

Which is, perhaps avoidant people (or at least me lol) are not as isolated as they think, that more people care more deeply about them than they let themselves recognize, and they do that as a form of self-protection and as a pressure release in order to let the friendships continue.

Perhaps.