I've been where you are now, it was a long time ago but I know there is light at the end of the tunnel for you.

Success and failure are relative terms, they mean different things to different people. What I now see as a success I once saw as failure. Right now you're in a place where all you see is failure. It doesn't matter what you do to try and build self esteem you'll always notice the things where you're not perfect and interpret them as failures.

You need to break this pattern. Try this;

Everyday for the next month write down five successes that you've had during the day, your first reactive will be...impossible, but if you could do it how would you do it?

Do this everyday for thirty days and you'll set yourself on the right road to overcoming you're low self esteem