Today I went to the psychiatrist for the first time ever. I've been seeing a therapist for two years, which was a huge leap for me because I was terrified to that they'd judge me. I got lucky and hit the jackpot my first try. I've been diagnosed with major depression and generalized anxiety disorder and that hasn't changed for years. About 10, actually. My therapist & I have discussed my seeing a psychiatrist, but every time I think, "Okay, let's do this," I feel a little better so it becomes less of a focus. I'm at the point that I need some more aggressive treatment than what my primary care is willing to provide -- not that she doesn't want to help me, but it's not her specialty.

But the psychiatrist was a whole different ballgame. I went and didn't run away.

She's changing my medication from Lexapro to Wellbutrin because I feel encased in cement and can't function. But she also answered another question for me -- one I've been struggling with for the last year or so, one that I didn't outright ask -- why I can't seem to get better. She said borderline personality disorder. It all makes sense, my anger and fear of being abandoned, that I spend money faster than I can make it, I never feel good enough, my relationships are basically a tornado, etc etc. It's kind of a relief to know why I can't seem to get it under control. But the research I've done since getting home this afternoon says that it's difficult to treat because you have to treat the symptoms.

Does anyone here have a similar diagnosis? How are you coping? As much as I'm relieved, I'm still scared that a healthy relationship and somewhat stable existence is not an option for me.

This is my first post, so I hope I did this right.