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Originally Posted by ck2d
But I just think it's really strange that the closer I get to someone, when I should be feeling more secure, it actually makes me feel more than vulnerable, almost threatened.
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No not strange at all, bc the closer you get... the more they know about you, so yes, you're going to feel vulnerable.. or perhaps pull away before you get to that vulnerable stage.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ck2d
Then again - all avoidant friendships are intense. The commitment to the friendship an avoidant has to make to counteract the avoidant impulses supersedes almost all other types of relationships out there. There are plenty of married folks who's relationships don't come close to the avoidant friendship level, poor fools.
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All Avie friendships have a time limit and once the bell rings you remain friends but not with the same commitment as before.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ck2d
So to put a damper on that intensity, I fall back on thinking the other person does not care as much as I do. I think that's pretty crappy of me, but I'm aware of that default, and I challenge it whenever I see myself doing it.
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Rather want than be wanted.. much safer to pull away should the situation change.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ck2d
I don't only do that with relationships. I have suicidal ideation that has the same effect. Like someone with money troubles thinks, oh if I could only win the lottery, if I get in a super stressful situation I think, well, there could always be some kind of accident that would make everything null and void.
But all that is just muddling the point.
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Yep, i'm lost lol
Quote:
Originally Posted by ck2d
Which is, perhaps avoidant people (or at least me lol) are not as isolated as they think, that more people care more deeply about them than they let themselves recognize, and they do that as a form of self-protection and as a pressure release in order to let the friendships continue.
Perhaps.  |
Of course we're isolated.. we'll I am.
I don't care what people think (well I do) bc my avoidance is stronger than them.. and if they are strong, i will wear them down till they give up.
Sorry about the negativity
