I hope you all don't get sick of me posting, it is just a rough time, and more questions are coming up than answers.......

And what I really should do....like process my feelings with my T...feels completely impossible. I am so hopeless.

My T told me his final date, 24 April.....5 weeks, and then proceeded to say that during that time he would be off for at least one of my appointments for "training' AND one of my appointments falls on a frikkin public holiday!!!!!!!

At this point, you'd expect, would be a prime time to talk about how it makes me feel.....right? WRONG. I passive aggressively(or something) tell him, "whatever, you're going to do what you're going to do anyway" when he tried to talk about alternative times.

He told me, you're allowed to be angry about this Jane ....."no I'm not"......it's ok to be angry Jane..."no it's not".....well, he says, it is ok with me for you to be angry at me right now..."well it's not ok with me"!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hold back tears, silence, and change of topic.

I AM USELESS!!!!!

He asked me about me saying "is there no way we can continue with this therapy" in my email to him. He asked me how I could see that happening. So asked him the question back, and he said he could not see a practical way it could work. So I told him that was the answer. USELESS me again........because what I wanted to ask him was, can he not register wit a certain service and then we do Skype sessions, or meet half way or some frikkin thing else.............. BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I couldn't do it.

Yep, I am a mess and I messed up the session. He was so KIND, and patient, and supportive, and validating, and accommodating........and I just HATE HATE HATE that I have to lose him.

And I couldn't let him see my emotions.....to help me. I am useless!

I feel like I almost wasted one of my sessions, what a flippin mess!!

not sure I'm doing this the right way....