I saw my family doctor yesterday. I couldn't really tell her what was going on it was too hard to focus for one thing, and again, how do I say when asked how you feel " I spent the morning pacing around my house crying and talking to myself and I went down to the basement so my son couldn't hear" .

She read me the consult from the psychiatrist, and he wants to start me on mood stabilizers when he sees me april 9th.

I live in the maritimes in Canada.....long waits lists to see psychiatrists.

My family doctor spoke to me of taking some time off work and I said I couldn't because I can't afford to ( which is true) and I went into a shift ( I'm a nurse) wandered around for a bit, couldn't focus and then on my first break broke down in sobs, and I had to leave.

This emotional crying all new to me. When depressed I typically lay around and I can certainly hate myself, but this bursting out in tears is all new and it's a daily occurence right n ow.

I don't know. I have an appt with a therapist today and I am still trying to figure out a way to talk about just how bad things are. She is connected to the psychiatrist and works out of his office, maybe they can bump things up, but unlikely.

It's my own fault. I say " well I've been feeling down and sleeping alot " when the answer is really " I haven't gotten off my couch for a week and only got my son to school twice this week and I haven't even showered" ...well, that's not true, I'm getting better at talking about my depression, but it's still hard to describe the racing and obsessing thoughts which is what I need help with right now.

I don't know , things aren't very good right now. I am going to lose my job, and rightly so.