|
Mar 20, 2015, 10:51 AM
|
 |
|
|
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 472
|
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoddaProbBob
About a month ago I told a friend of mine that I was struggling with ED stuff. Last night we were having a conversation due to some conflict, and she mentioned that she had been distancing herself from me. I had noticed this but didn't have the opportunity to speak with her about it.
The distance was partly due to stuff that she had been struggling with but as we were having this conversation, she brought up the ED. She was visibly angry and frustrated. She said that she cared about me, but that I was playing with fire and that I was going to be severely burned. She said that she cannot care about me more than I care about myself. She also told me that I have so much going for me and that I'm throwing it all away. And that I haven't done enough to try and fight. She's frustrated and just wants to shake me and punch me in the face and basically knock some sense into me. These were her words, not that she would ever do that, this is just a reflection of her personality.
I acknowledged that she was right, that I wasn't doing enough to work on things. I definitely could do more. It's just not simple. And it's hard. But I'm not sure how to feel after this conversation. Some part of me interprets her strong reaction as an indication of her caring about me and wanting me to be healthy. But some part of me also thinks that perhaps she went about this conversation in an inappropriate way. I don't know...
But as I'm sitting here thinking about it and writing this post, there is a part of me that feels so guilty. And mad at myself. There is a reason why I choose not to tell people about what I'm struggling with. To be honest, I feel like I shouldn't have told her. I feel like I put too much on her by telling her. It's clearly affected her and I feel extremely guilty. And maybe embarassed or ashamed.
Then again, there's a part of me that's hurt and mad that she approached the conversation that way...I'm torn I suppose...
Has anyone had any experience like this? I was going to see my T today but she cancelled, so I'm just trying to figure this out.
Thanks  |
I'm so sorry. It's so hard to admit you have a problem and then to basically have it thrown back in your face...well, that sucks. I'm sure that wasn't the reaction you were looking for. I had a lot of my friends kind of 'leave" me when I first started really struggling and had my first Inpatient hospitalization. There were some who stuck around, and I think it's times like this you find out who your true friends really are. It was really hard though. Some of them, I thought I'd be friends with for life. A lot of them distanced themselves because, they told me later, they were sure I was going to die and didn't want to put themselves through the pain of losing me. I don't know if that's playing a factor.
Your friend is probably just frustrated and scared and doesn't know what to do. Neda Communications, Inc. ? neda.com has a lot of good resources for friends and family members. Maybe suggest she take a look at that?
It its hard to seek help and conquer these demons and it really does sound like she could have approached it better. Could you have a conversation with her about this? Something along the lines of "I appreciate your concern, I want to get better, but that's not the best way to help me right now, here are some resources if you're interested and I'd really appreciate your support in overcoming this"? Or something like that.
Having everything going for you doesn't have a damn thing to do with struggling with an eating disorder and it really bothers me when people assume that. I'm a doctor, when I was at my sickest, I was engaged, pregnant, had tons of friends and it should have been the happiest time of my life. Then, partially due to the eating disorder, I had a 32 week stillbirth, my engagement broke up a few months ago and like I mentioned previously, my friends slowly started distancing themselves. And I was isolating a lot at the time, so some of that I'm sure was partially me.
Are you seeing a therapist/psychiatrist/physician/nutritionist right now? Any kind of treatment team? Going to any kind of support groups? Maybe you could start small and show her you're willing to make changes, it's just going to be a long, slow process. The average (average) recovery from anorexia is 5-7 years and approx. 3-5 for bulimia. It's probably not going to change overnight.
I'm sorry you're going through all this and I hope some of these suggestions help. Please feel free to PM me anytime. I'd love to help in anyway I can. I feel like I've been in your shoes more than once. I totally get it.
Take care.
|