I really can't take it any more.

It's getting to the point where reading the news -- even just the headlines -- is deepening my grief and making me angry at the world.

I missed the opportunity to have a child of my own, due to various circumstances. I really wanted one. And then I read headlines where mothers do terrible things to their babies, to their kids, like this:



Unspeakable things. Murder. Abuse of all kinds.

And I keep thinking "Why me? I know that even if I made mistakes, wasn't the 'perfect' parent, I could have done so much better!"

But I'll never get the chance to have my own kids. And adoption is not likely to happen either.

I realize in some cases, women who did awful things were suffering with severe postpartum depression. I feel badly about that, and wish they were better.

But in others... I have no idea what happened, and I wish I could have been there at a critical moment and rescued that child from a horrible fate.

I'm sad. And the violence that children experience -- especially at the hands of people who are supposed to love and nurture them -- makes me even sadder and angrier. (I was abused growing up, and swore to myself I would not treat other people the way I'd been treated.)

I don't know how to get past my anger and related grief when these articles are all over the news. I don't want to stop reading the news entirely just to avoid these items, so I've got to somehow find a way to deal with the grief and anger that comes up.