A year? Sorry hun but you can't blame bipolar for that :/

Maybe the initial cheating but now you're just a cheater. Never look for answers about your marriage in another man. Give your hubs an opportunity to please you the way you need and if that doesn't work it might be time to separate. I can tell you are a good person because you show remorse so can only imagine the emotional turmoil you must go through daily. Throw bipolar on top of that and you my dear have created the perfect storm.

You need an action plan. Address one thing at a time and get your life back on track. You can be happy guilt free in this life.