theeos,

Sorry you're having a tough time, and that PTSD has played a major role in what troubles you.

I hear that the VA is giving out meds that zombify you, but is the VA offering any other form of help for your PTSD? EMDR therapy, for example?

Many (not all) vets respond positively to EMDR therapy for PTSD. If you can't get it through the VA itself, you might want to find a support group for vets and referral to someone outside the system for EMDR.

Another thing is your partner... if she doesn't know much about PTSD, has she shown any willingness to learn about it? At least to learn how to be supportive? Right now, that seems like a key part of your life that's missing -- having those near you understand what happened to you and how PTSD has affected your moods and reactions to things.

I don't know what either of you think of couples' therapy, but given this situation, I'd look into it.

"Does PTSD and bipolar depression mean I have to either be a zombie all the time, or not have any relationship with anyone?"

Absolutely not. With time, people find meds that work for them and therapy that addresses the problem. It takes patience and it takes time, though. And finding the right therapist, and a partner who is willing to learn about your condition and do what they can to be supportive.

I have a book here you might want to read -- it touches upon the traumas and PTSD vets experience, and how different forms of therapy can help with PTSD. (It does not endorse zombifying drugs, by the way -- it endorses processing the traumatic experiences in a safe environment, and finding ways to create inner peace.)

Check out "The Body Keeps The Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma" by Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma: Bessel van der Kolk MD: 9780670785933: Amazon.com: Books

I'd look at the Resources and Further Reading sections in the back of the book, too, as they are great sources for information. Some of those resources online are:

The Trauma Center at JRI
David Baldwin's Trauma Information Pages
Gift from Within: PTSD Resources for Survivors and Caregivers
There & Back Again (non-profit org that supports wellbeing of service-members -- its mission is to provide reintegration support services to combat veterans of all conflicts)
Sidran Foundation

Hope you find something here useful. Good luck, and thank you for serving our country.