This is going to be long. I kind of have a lot of issues going on. I struggle with severe depression, PTSD, and total lack of motivation... I have no way at all to seek help in any form. I am 17. In my town all psychiartists refuse to work with teenagers, and I am still considered one. I also have no money nor support from parents. They believe i am making it all up and that it will all pass as i grow older.

Now there is the main problem. I am in my senior year, two months away from the exams that should be a deciding factor in my life. I have no college nor path I especially want to follow. Nothing I want to do with my life. My father considers college a waste of time anyway and my mother, despite saying she encourages me in whatever I choose, offers no help at all. I am all on my own. It's a decision I need to make, and I am running out of time. Maybe it already ran out.

I honestly see no future for myself. All I know for sure is that one way or another I want out of here. I want out of this town, out of the reach of my controling parents that try to choose what is right and what isnt but refusing to offer any real help. I probably sound like a moody teenager... But this is what I feel now... I am in tight spot.

I don't have any special qualities honestly, i am also no good with people and social situations (forgot to mention mild social anxiety). I like music... Had taken violin lessons before. It lasted for 3 years before I completely gave up on it. I draw and write stories. I also have a thing for English (not my mother tongue, learned it all by myself). Yet again, none of these is exactly something i could turn into a job, given the fact that my parents won't provide any financial support if i go to college anyway so I need to find a way to pull through and the fact that most likely even after college, i will find no job or the pay will be way too low to be independent. Thought of a psychology major but again, a psychologist's salary is really low here and as messed up as my brain is now, I stand no chance to help others. It would be unfair to everyone. So I am not cut for it. I am stuck. I am afraid since I see no future for myself. Social anxiety is something that makes even a normal job difficult to manage.

Surprisingly my marks are ok to good. Last semester i pulled off a 9.66 out of 10 as the average. My relationship with classmates is bad, being looked at like I would be some sort of weird creture (lots of rumors about me and talking behind my back since i am "weird and with mental problems" and because I refuse to skip classes, knowing that if my parents found out i would be punished and treated like i a shame for the family and ruined their entire lives). I nearly never study yet by a miracle my grades are over 9 in each subject. I am student of a maths & IT high school, considered "difficult". I like maths and IT, but not exactly a passion. Also I am not brillinat at any of them. That is all...

I guess I am just extremely confused... And lost. As I see no future for myself I have no motivation to study. I have no idea what to do with myself and hoping thay maybe there is someone that could at least give me a clue. Do you have any advice? Anything would help...