I hope you eventually find a t where you can learn how to have a safe dialogue. These ts you describe dont seem to understand that their number one job is to provide you a safe space. I couldnt even look at my ts bookshelves the first few years, i felt like i was intruding. I get the feeling you feel kinda the same way. Then to be told you can leave is like the opposite of what you want to hear. But the point is dialogue - not hit and run. Stay and listen to the other person. Its very scary.