I think you're telling the wrong person. (us).

Sounds to me like you're telling everyone (us, pdoc) what you need, but you haven't told the person who needs to know- your therapist.

Tell her that you need her to help you speak. Tell her that you've found doodling helps loosen your tongue. Tell her that being told you can leave if you want hurts your feelings and you need her to try something to help you talk. The woman is not a mind reader.

Put yourself in her shoes.You have a NEW CLIENT- someone you DO NOT KNOW-who walks in your office, says nothing to you, and sits down and starts drawing in her notebook.

On yet another session, she comes in, sits down, you start the session by telling her of your upcoming surgery that will keep you away from the office for three weeks (no fun for you), and the client hands you a check and gets up and walks out?

Would you not be COMPLETELY BAFFLED? Wonder WTF is going on?

She's a person. Just like you. She can't read your mind, she can't know what you're feeling, she can't even guess because she doesn't know you yet.

Sounds to me like you're looking for a therapist who is a mind reader and you're mad at this one because she isn't.

Find a way to communicate. Write her a letter, hand it to her in session. Record yourself on your phone ahead of time and play it for her in session. You have to steer your own ship. Your therapist can't help you do that without a little more information.