I wish I could give you the exact answer that would help. I too cause suffering with my wife and son by my presence. I act foolishly and speak foolishly. I go to my T and I clam up on what I want to talk about. I write poems and thoughts out. I tried chat too but they seem to go so fast and have already got someone that they are trying to help. I can't help much when I am suffering as well. I gave up on that along time ago. I've noticed that it is the same people every day and night talking about their problems. I listen to music that calms me. I understand about the family suffering. I hope that you can find peace on this and know that they know you love them. I believe that you do because you mentioned them in your post. I know your are strong because you are here seeking help. You are posting personal thoughts through words. You believe that there is hope and there is. But mainly for those who seek help. You are doing this. Thanks for posting and trusting. I hope you begin to feel better.