Hi TJ, I'm sorry you're struggling
I've got to say real kudos for trying to reach out though, I know it's not always easy to do
And yes, its got to be hard having other people upset or worried (although completely natural that they may be at times if they care), kind of pushes the attention to their feelings when it's hard enough trying to manage your own, right?? Makes you feel more alone, and maybe more helpless if they're seeing it as upsetting/worrying.
But you know TJ, it's not just "coming across as" you do have a really strong streak there. Maybe you're not feeling that right now, but it can be OK to feel "weaker" at times, particularly as you're still reaching out. I know it isn't easy for you
And nevermind the "should"s, the things you can't do, a little less pressure on yourself, hey??
Depression can so easily take some of those things away from you, so it can be more about trying to find something (however small!!) that you can feel/see. And trying to find some comfort, distraction, support...........whatever/wherever in helping you through.
And if it may help to talk/get those feelings out, then try not to worry/concern yourself as much about what other people might think, try not to be self-conscious. And if right now your wife or........aren't people you can turn to then someone who is, even us!!!
Because you know your wife will be there for you if not right now, and you know that strong streak of yours will show itself again too.
And the assessment..........well that should be a tool in helping you get more of the support you need, so maybe a good thing it's coming up???

Alison