Thanks.

Didn't mention this in the OP as... well, it didn't seem like the right moment... and even now, not sure... but it has relevance.

During the middle of typing the OP I caved, grabbed my coat, something not sensible and walked out.... went to the nearest 'big' park and sat by a gazebo... was really unsure of intent or thoughts at the time... was mulling on over calling the crisis team... but my wife called and chatted to me.

Been a while since things have got that bad... and even now I still feel kind of blank... but that moment of human contact even over the phone helped a lot. She just kept talking and I decided to make my way back.

Was odd how my thoughts and focus can shift. I live in Leicester which (for any that have any interest in current news outside of the US) is where King Richard the 3rd is to be dug up and then re-buried again on Sunday... was passing a school that the Jubilee will be driving by and saw tons of paper roses the children had decorated. Was very pretty and reminded me of a conversation I had with a mate of mine last week who was encouraging me to read up on the 'war of the roses'... as he put it 'like game of thrones... but it actually happened (minus dragons, wraiths or a dwarf called Tyrion)'.

Sorry for the tangent... but as said, my brain just drastically shifts all over the place.