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My mother lost all her other pregnancies before she was far along. It was a sad mistake that the same thing did not happen to me. Maybe it was due in part to that she acted as though she owned me. Some of what should have been the happiest times of my life were worse because of her. But I must have loved her because i cried for a very long time after she died. I was alone with both my parents when they died. No one should die alone. I have a very keen memory, I think too good. There are good things i remember - my children when they were little when there were good days. Summer days watching them play in their little plastic pool were the greatest. But remembering the good things so keenly only makes the knowledge i live with today that much more painful. Once I had babies to hold and love. I never realized how time has a way of spinning faster and faster until one day you are old and no one knows you at all and you are just an annoyance that no one agrees with or understands. They invalidate my thoughts and feelings. We cannot talk long enough to understand each other anymore.
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