Llleeeee, I'm coming a little late to your thread but I did want to comment. I personally believe that the only time a statement such as "You can leave if you want to", is appropriate is if the client is extremely anxious and asks how long they have to stay or if they can leave. I think it's appropriate in those situations for the therapist to reassure the client that they are never required to remain in a session unless they want to; that the client is always in charge of how long they want to stay in a session or even come to a session.

I too would have been annoyed or frustrated if I was having trouble speaking and the therapist immediately jumps to the "You can leave if you want to" statement. To me, it would feel as if he/she was saying that I was only welcome if I comply with some rule that states that I MUST talk and silences are not tolerated. I'm not saying that's what your therapist meant by her comment, but it could very well feel that way when you're already frustrated and anxious about having a productive session. It's like a parent saying to a misbehaving child, "You can go to bed right now if you don't shape up!" In other words, the person withdraws their attention and empathy if you're not performing up to standard.

I'm glad you were able to write her an email and explain what was happening for you in the session and how her statement about leaving made you feel. Excellent example of you taking charge (being responsible) for yourself!