apologies in advance for typos and unexpected period placements, I'm typing on my phone.

if I'm being honest I'm so upset and frazzled right. now I don't know where to start. I guess I'll start with me.

I struggled with my self confidence and depression in middle school. I didn't ask for help until my sophomore year in high school. I sent a text to both my parents, asking to see a doctor, I needed to do something about my depression.

they dismissed it, and dismissed me entirely. I asked again and again for the next two years to no avail. my parents have since divorced, I'm now a legal adult.

I got a job and moved in with my ever so patient boyfriend. things got bad enough where I decided I needed external help still, that just because I am living. doesn't mean I'm doing a good job.

so off I went to a pdoc and he gave me some bs diagnosis of ' general mood disorder ' which I've never even heard of.

anyway, my brother has lately been struggling a lot in school which is highly unusual. he doesn't do homework, doesn't go to school, angry outbursts, saying he wants to hurt himself etc.

I told my mother he NEEDS to get help. she finally, very reluctantly, agreed and she took him to the docs. they decided it was depression and put him on zoloft, which my mother has remarked a noticeable difference in his attitude and energy levels. his school effort has seen no change and she thinks he has ADD. I doubt this greatly.

she is now rushing him into the doctors and making sure he gets what he needs to help him succeed.

I am very bitter. very mad. jealous. hurt. he is my brother and she's my mom, I don't want to feel this way about either of them (mostly her, but I can't help but be jealous of him). I am so distraught.

my mother doesn't know about half the turmoil I go through and I'm afraid if I tell her then she will think it's all her fault.

guh. I'm exasperated.

thanks for reading, I didn't know this was gonna be my whole family history in a post