I also understand the lack of orgasms. In fact, I've never had an orgasm with my partner, unless me masturbating while he holds me counts. I've gotten it a handful of times that way, but they were usually insignificant or painful. I think that part of it is it just feels wrong and there's such a fine line for me between not feeling anything and it being painful/uncomfortable and I have no idea how to show him (I masturbate for him and try to guide his hand, but on his own, it still feels wrong).
But I digress…I don't know exactly what the answer is and it may be different for you than it is for me (as I have a hunch that my issue might be due to sensory processing issues since I've always had this problem and you have not). What does need to happen is the pressure to perform (to have an orgasm within a certain amount of time or to have sex at all etc.) really needs to go. And I know I need to be saying this to myself as well. And your husband needs to understand what this is doing to you as well.
Quote:
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Hubby had suggested previously that we take a break so that I could get to know my body again and find out what works to turn me on and get me off. He was so damn miserable and depressed the next day, barely even speaking to me even, that our “break” didn’t even last a day. He was just so miserable and awful that I felt like I had to have sex with him, or risk permanent damage to our relationship. So we did have sex, and it was better than it had been in the past, but still not “good” for me.
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And this…this really makes me angry. How dare he guilt-trip you into sex by essentially throwing a tantrum! He can't even go one day?! Yes, you need to take a break so you can take some pressure off yourself and get to know your body again. Set a tentatively time-limit so it doesn't seem like it's going to be indefinite, but then stick to it. If he throws another tantrum, he'll just have to deal with it. You don't give a two year old what they want every time they throw a tantrum right? (I don't have any kids so I'm no expert, but as far as I know that's how it goes…)
-Edit-
I forgot to add earlier that this is what I'm going to try next with my partner:
http://counselling-matters.org.uk/si...nsateFocus.pdf
I'm not sure if it's as relevant to your situation or not or if your husband would be willing to do it, but it's worth looking at.