Well, I showed up to my 10:45am therapy appointment to find my therapist called in sick today. This filled me with an overwhelming feeling of grief. All week I was preparing what I was going to tell my therapist, and was anticipating the emotional release. It was such an awful feeling. This occurance also brought to my attention that I'm all alone. I have no one to talk to about my problems. All I can do is suck it up and drive on.

I'm 32 years old and find all my childhood friends are gone. They faded out of my life slowly over the years, and the ones I do have barely have time for me. It always seems like they're too busy for me, so I leave them alone. As for a boyfriend, we broke up in January and even though I don't miss him, it sucks not having anyone to talk to. I was in a terrible accident last July which almost killed me. Thankfully I survived, but my body is ugly and full of scars now. Top that with my mental illness and I don't think any boys will be knocking down my door anytime soon.

I'm a single parent who makes decent money, but its so hard to pay for rent AND childcare on my own, so I live with my mom and step dad. Though I love each of them in their own special way, living with them is killing me. I have the money to move out tomorrow, but I'm saving that money for a down payment for a condo/townhouse and don't want to waste it moving out hastily to an apartment.

The constant criticism from my step dad is a heavy source of anxiety for me. Not only that, but I think that's where my DID stemmed from. They used to sit me down as a child and yell at me for 5-6 hours straight, and to deal with these "counseling sessions" I retreated in my mind. One thing my step dad told me that still sticks with me today is that "I'm the most selfish person in THE WORLD." I don't agree with that statement and he still justifies saying that to this day. The worst part now is I have a child and he constantly criticises my parenting.

When my step dad makes comments to me that I know nothing about raising a child I want to punch him in the face. I want to take my child with me somewhere and never look back. Once he told me I was raising my son to be a "fagot" right in front of him. He calls his hair cuts dorky and criticizing how I do his hair as well as everything else we do. He was going easy on me after the accident, but he is slowly returning to his old ways. I feel I can never relax because its not my home and I don't deserve to relax.

I'm not sure what I hoped to get from writing all this. I just feel so alone and needed to vent to someone. I feel silly for writing all this on here since it barely has to do with DID. I guess I just needed to vent since I have no one to talk to about these things. Only professionals will talk to me and that's because I pay them.