I dissociate way more than I would like. Over time, my t has learned what that looks like for me and she tends to pick up on it sooner than I do. If t thinks I'm dissociating, she'll stop and ask if I'm "here." If I'm fine, I can tell her that...if I'm not, it's pretty obvious when I respond vaguely or not at all.

Over time, we've tried lots of different things to help me stay present or to ground me when I start dissociating. To stay present, I tend to fidget with things...a tangle toy, stress ball, my ring, whatever. If I have something in my hands, then I have something to focus on and that helps me stay present. If I start to check out, I will focus entirely on what I'm fidgeting with. I'll notice how it feels in my hands, texture, color, temperature, whatever, I just start listing all the attributes I can notice. Once I feel grounded, I'll refocus on the room. If t notices that I'm checking out, she'll walk me through a breathing exercise, or ask me to concentrate on just one thing, like the sound of the a/c or traffic outside or an object in the room. Once, when I was really struggling to be present, she had me walk with her to the break room and had me hold ice in my hands until it melted.

T and I have established a routine where the last 5 minutes are used to wind down and make sure I'm grounded and good to drive home. We take care of administrative stuff like confirming the next appointment. We make a little small talk, and t makes sure I'm good to leave. If I still feel a little off once I get to my car, the I will turn on the radio and just breathe until I feel like I'm safe to drive.

I think dissociating is such a strongly ingrained response, that it will probably always be there. But I've gotten much better at identifying it when it happens. This took time and practice. I had to get the courage to say to t, "I think I'm starting to dissociate. " The more often I was able to identify it happening, the easier it got to notice. One I was able to notice it, I could start to do something about it. Now, I've learned that sometimes, just hearing myself say, outloud, "I'm starting to dissociate" will help me stay grounded. I'm focusing on my current state of being rather than getting lost in my head.