I'm middle aged, and had been in remission for about a decade, when it all hit me again this spring. This time, it feels worse, both because I'm so much more aware of what's happening, what I'm doing to myself, and because it's so shameful to fall into this prison again.

The worst parts of it are that it's having a negative effect on treating my comorbid depression, and the pdoc and therapist I was seeing didn't address it at all -- largely because they subscribed to the old theory about "lack of insight" being a central issue in EDs. ("If you can say that this is an eating disorder, then it's not an eating disorder..." How recursive!) At this point, I'm having a hard time taking anti-depressants, because I'm so afraid of gaining weight; the one drug that was helping is probably contra-indicated because my weight has dropped so much; I'm having a very difficult time discussing this in therapy or with the pdoc because I don't *want* treatment if it means gaining weight -- which, by definition, it does; and I'm feeling as if I'm locked in a prison cell that I've built myself. And, of course, I feel so isolated, because this is a "teenager" problem, so middle aged women aren't supposed to have these problems.

Are there any others like me, who are older? Especially if you have had this problem in the past, been through remission, and then had it hit you again?

Thanks!