I like giving my husband oral sex, and he enjoys getting it. All is fine as far as that goes.

I'd had 2 serious boyfriends before hubby, but I never let either one of them give me oral. I'm a bit overweight (already lost 55 lbs, 20 more to go) so being "fat" always made me super self conscious and worried about how I looked from that angle. Basically, I never had the self confidence to allow anyone to do that to me.

Because I love him, I let hubby give me oral. I found out pretty quickly that I don't like it. I'm not sure if this is because I have no prior experience, so I'm not sure what to tell him to do... or because I'm still so paranoid about looking ugly or tasting bad, or just generally having my mind run a mile a minute with anxiety. It is likely all of these things.

So since it doesn't give me any pleasure, only anxiety, it's not something I let him do very often. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? I'm not sure how to make it better. I'd like to let him do what he wants (he does actually want to give me oral, he says he likes it) but I want to be able to enjoy myself too.

As an aside - There have been plenty of times where I've gotten hubby off with oral, and not gotten anything in return. It is partly because I don't like getting oral, and hubby knows it, so he doesn't press the issue. I'm wondering now though - would it really be so selfish for me to ask him, just once, to maybe get me off with his hand and not expect anything in return? Maybe have a day where it's just about my pleasure, and not have me feel pressured to have sex afterwords? I feel like I get him off all the time, where only he gets pleasure, but if I were to ask for the same thing, I'd sound selfish.

Thanks for any input.