Sirensong18, I'm really getting concerned for you both. You're pushing so hard that I'm concerned about your anxiety and depression leading to worse problems. You're not broken or defective ... so just forget about that. Women are complex to say the least so your difficulties could be any number of things and it's going to take patience, time and compassion to find out what's happening. But if both you and your husband push too much, it could just make the whole situation worse.

Secondly, it sounds like hubby isn't handling this well at all and sounds like he's REALLY internalizing it. Kinda like he's feeling like he's failing. Again, not healthy at all. Him suggesting the break tells me his head is in the right place, but his attachment immediately triggered him to get all withdrawn and such. His head and heart aren't on the same page.

Ultimately, you both need counseling, together as a couple and individually. (I know you've heard that before, but sorry.) And you need ... well, probably more than one trip to the MD for blood work and such.

As it is, if hubby isn't able to stop internalizing and get his head and heart aligned and you aren't able to stop beating yourself up, things can only get worse.

Can you both come up with a systematic plan for you to get the doctors' help you might need and you both get the psychological help you both need? If you decide on your vacation, I would STRONGLY suggest you both have a plan for how you're going to work on yourselves during that down time and hold each other accountable, just parting ways for a while likely won't help much. (And he needs to work on himself as much or more than you ...)