Hi smellyfinger. I understand your predicament. I think many of us with depression have suicidal thoughts sometimes. I am like you, I have the thoughts but would never act on them. I believe there is a difference between having the thoughts and actually making active plans.

On the one hand you don't want to be sent to a hospital, but on the other hand, if you don't tell your pdoc how bad you feel they won't be able to help you. Word things in a way that tells your pdoc you are reaching out for help.