The expectation to act "normal" is getting to me. People just do not understand avoidance. Even when they seem to be sympathetic, seem to get it, they just don't.

I was trying to explain it to someone this week, and just at the end she said, "They would love to get their hands on you at the university!" I had no reaction to that. I spent forever (like 10 minutes? lol) explaining how avoidance works, and she just flipped it right back to "normal," trying to compliment me that I should fit in just fine over there. Should. On the top ten list of most evil words in the English language.

There is no escaping it. Even here - the post about the meet up - come on! No avoidant will do that.

I'm definitely edging toward the recluse end of the avoidant scale. The pendulum swings, what can I say.

For a while, I was pushing myself to tolerate that pressure to conform, to not take it personally, to not see it as a judgement. It's stressing me out, and I'm overreacting, and I'm taking it out on people who really do have my best interests at heart. What a wonder - they do exist.

But for all their good intentions, encouragement, etc, the effect is that it's pushing me further into the hole.

Oh well, that's life as an avoidant...