I do this a lot. Frequently. Mine are intrusive thoughts a lot. I'm sorry to hear this is happening. :/ do you have a t or pdoc to talk to? A therapist could help you find new hoping skills to get thought these bad moments when you aren't calm? If you a serious threat to yourself, I urge you to seek help. You said you have these thoughts then you are calm....it's nice to remind yourself it will go away and be ok again!