can you write those things down for T?
you are worth the fight hon. I know you just got out of inpatient recently, did they set you up with a step-down program? I know emdr is in the works, and you are able to see your T again, but did they offer any structure other than that? do you have contact with the crisis team? can you reach out to T between sessions?
when cutting is our "go-to" skill, it can be difficult to give up when overwhelmed again. it can be like an addiction, and a really difficult habit to break. what other skills did they teach you in the hospital? were you the one who make that skills box? (or am I thinking fo the wrong person). Do you ave anything other than the cutting that can bring you some comfort? I know you said you are alone in this, but I know you have family around, you have friends, and you have T. You also have us, and you can contact a crisis line if you need to.
You can do this. Yeah, it's hard, but you are not alone.
do any of the things in the stickied post about alternatives to self harm help you? if not, is there anything that has helped in the past? I know for me, talking to people (even if it's not about the struggles I'm having) helps bring me out of my head a bit. Could you put on some music and jump/dance around to it? do you like to color? how about journaling? Maybe writing out what you had wanted to say to T will help get a bit of relief? I know when I leave session feeling like I couldn't get to what I needed, writing sometimes helps.
You are NOT stupid or worthless or anything like that.