It feels to me that if I succumb to this desire, I will betraying myself, everything I've fought not to be, everything I promised myself I wouldn't become, become like him... In doing so I'd be a hypocrite, to myself and to the very essence of what I am.

I'm reminded of the ending of Chinatown's sequel, The Two Jakes: Meg Tilly asks Jack Nicholson if "It ever goes away?" He asks "Does what ever go away?" She says "the past." He tells her that she'll "have to work real hard on that one," and she leaves the office, but he runs after her and yells: "Katherine!" Then there's this long pause as she looks up and he shakes his head and right as the movie ends he says: "It never goes away."