Thanks for the support everyone. I don't think I'll be taking the vacation... 1. It's too expensive to fly or drive, plus I miss out on income from not working during the time I'm gone. 2. Running away from my problems isn't going to solve them.

Instead, I've decided to drive back to my hometown and go to church tomorrow morning, on what would have been my mom's 64th birthday. (She died 3 years ago.) It'll be nice to see the priest again, and generally catch up with the parish. I've also got a lunch planned with my friend who still lives there, so that will be nice. I'm looking forward to that especially, as I don't get to hang out with friends (the very few I have) very often.

Webgogi - I've done some more searching online, and found a place that will do therapy for $30-$50 a session. It's about an hour and half drive away from me though. Not sure if I could afford it considering the cost of time lost to travel, cost of gas, plus cost of actual sessions. You also have to do a $49 fee to 'sign up' for this reduced cost program. But I suppose it's better than nothing, so I'll do some more investigating.

You're spot on about hubby internalizing all of this. He's a pretty quiet, introverted guy to begin with. I wish there were a way for him to understand that this isn't his fault, that I don't blame him - and also a way for me to quit blaming myself and putting so much pressure on myself too.

I'll just keep trying to talk it out with him. I don't like hiding my feelings from him, but I also don't want to overload him with everything and make him feel like it's his fault, or that all the blame is on him because something is wrong and he can't instantly fix it.