This has been my normal for the last 47 years, and to change it would throw me way out of my comfort zone. It's scary even thinking abut it. Some of them already told me that they don't want to integrate. If I was younger I probably would being that there would still be a lot of life left. I've beat this body up by drinking, drugging, smoking, broken bones, burns and scars. I don't feel like I've got much left to live. How can you miss something that you've never had?