Quote:
Originally Posted by Miswimmy1
I can relate to you in this way. My t goes out of her way to help me in the ways that I ask her to. I get very unnerved when my t mentions others clients or makes a comment about her busy life. I understand that being a t isn't the easiest job in the world and that it is inevitable that other patients have hard times (I know that I've had my share of them). But there's something nagging though when I am reminded that my t is only human and that I am not her sole focus. This sort of sounds like what you are describing, I think? (hug)
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Miswimmy, it's nice to see you around again! It's been a long time!! Yes, I guess that's it. I know logically she sees lots of people but it hurts. The child part feels abandoned.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 8888an8888
yes, it probably would bother me. it's one of the reasons i don't email/text my T inbetween sessions, so i don't put myself at risk of getting hurt.
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. It's not just about email, but I see your point.
Quote:
Originally Posted by therapyworked4me
The whole point of certain kinds of therapy is to ask for what you need, and to ask for what you want. From the feelings of asking, from the response, the feelings after the response, and possible exploration of said feelings came the safety and security I needed to move my life further along. Transference plays a big part without being mentioned. It's just done.
ETA: the adult rainbow8 knows that your therapist response makes sense and is perfectly logical. The adult you understands. The little you doesn't, because no one and nothing else should matter to her. Once that small part feels satisfied (it takes time) she will know it will always be there, and eventually the adult you will be able to give her the reassurance that is needed. Right now you are asking and getting it from your therapist and that's okay.
When a child has secure attachment, it doesn't mean that child's every need was met one hundred percent of the time, but most of the time.
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Thank you. That's exactly how I feel. I really thought the child part WAS satisfied, and then wham!! She feels secure that T cares, but.....idk, this attachment work is so hard for me, and T is doing her very best. I want to feel good and not hurt anymore.
Quote:
Originally Posted by _Mouse
Your satisfaction seems brittle? Maybe because when T is being 'who she is' and not as 'you would have her', ie asking her how you want her to sign emails, all the good falls apart. I think hearing the truth makes for a longer lasting satisfaction eventually.
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Thanks, Mouse. Yes. T being "who she is" makes me cry. Ties in with FB too. Yet who she is. is also my wonderful T who is giving me safety, security and love I needed very badly and apparently didn't get.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lolagrace
It doesn't sound like all your parts are satisfied. Your parts seem to be trying to dictate how others (your T) should behave rather than accepting others' shows of caring as they are. Perhaps when you get to the point that you can completely accept your T (who is good and caring and attentive) as she is, then all of your parts will truly be showing they are satisfied.
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Thank you. When T wrote "love, T" my parts really did feel satisfied. That didn't totally disappear but I can see I'm still a "work in progress". I have to love myself, not depend on T, but her loving me is the catalyst.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mastodon
She answered your question - you say that you asked if she had been busy, and she replied that she had. What if she had ignored your question? That would probably not have felt good, either.
I wonder if there is still an element here of your not liking the fact that we are our therapist's jobs. Your T was busy with other work instead of prioritising the part of her job that involves replying to your email. Do you think that might be part of it?
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Yes, I do. I know I'm T's job but I've always hated that fact. T has reassured me I'm not " just her job" and I believe her but bottom line is as you state it. That's hard for me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hankster
No, i think i get it. My t always has the last word. Rainbow was saying thank you, and my t would have emailed back youre welcome. Just as standard t practice. Just to make me feel contained. Just to not leave me hanging out there. He doesnt have to decide for every interaction, he just has the last word on every interaction, period! Rainbows t made a value judgment for this interaction, saying okay rainbow is telling me she is okay, so i dont have to acknowledge it. But i like my ts way better. Do all the simple stuff. They can mess up the big stuff without even trying!
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Right, hankster. She could have written" Your email made me smile." She's done that in the past. But if I complain to too much, emails will stop. I don't want that to happen. I've GOT to be satisfied and I am usually. Her emails are great, and were supposed to be because my H is sick. Maybe I'm taking advantage. Seeing her every 2 weeks is hard too but I'm grateful she lets me pay what I do.