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cakeladie, I'm sorry you are feeling so poorly. I hear you about feeling useless because of pain. US society encourages us to be on the go and doing something in order to have value. That's not true, but it can't generate feelings of uselessness. I don't have any great words of wisdom because I struggle with the same feelings at times.
As for planning your funeral and prepaying, I believe that's a good idea for everyone, regardless the status of their health. Both of my parents prepaid and pre-planned their funerals. It made life a whole lot easier for me when the time came. I can see that your husband suggesting it when you are feeling so poorly is not good timing, maybe you could address it when you are not feeling quite so badly.
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