112 days since I last SIed.

Damn it but it's still so hard.

I feel icky internally, just want to make the outside match the inside... is that really so bad?

I promise I'm not going to slip though into the pit. I can't. I promised I'd ask for help if I needed it, and I don't want to have to depend on another living soul.

... not sure why I'm subjecting anyone to my ramblings, but I guess I just wanted to put it out there.