Sick again. Asthma this time. Endless wheezing and coughing, and peak flows have plummeted so back on prednisone, which i don't like taking 'cos it makes me irritable and twitchy. And it pushes up my blood pressure, which has already risen recently due to the stress of dealing with the neck injury, so that's another thing that needs to be monitored now.

It's starting to feel like a sick joke the number of ways my body has broken down over the past four months.

On the upside, my neck and shoulder are improving all the time. Still have some intermittent nerve pain after doing my exercises and if i get overtired, but also have long periods of time where i either don't have pain or it's so minimal it's not on my radar. Such a relief.

[trigger warning for ED talk]

And because of an incredibly painful reflux flare-up, and now needing daily doses of prednisone, i've been forced to rein in my eating disorder relapse big time. It's messing with my head a lot (i'm not ready!) because, for me, the ED isn't about weight, it's about childhood and mealtimes and flashbacks and feeling dirty and triggers, and there isn't anything else i've tried that does what purging does for me - but there's no denying that cutting back on it is better for my body at least. Just have to be very careful not to backslide into restricting instead.

And Easter is coming up which is a big trigger (religious holidays were a special kind of hell growing up). Last year, i ended up in respite. Really don't want to do that again, but at the same time i'm exhausted and overwhelmed and not feeling all that confident about handling being home alone for several days.

Feels like there's just no peace, no space, it's one damn thing after another. So over it.