Beautiful post. I totally understand. I have always been picked last. Actually there was one time in school I just wasn't picked at all and I just sat by myself on the bench. I also appreciate your sentiments on being at school and wanting to be home and yet being home wasn't really going to be better. I think one important thing to remember is to not blame ourselves for what happened. To remind ourselves that we did the best we could with what we had :-) maybe instead of focusing (it's hard) on what you didn't have in the past you could look into things you enjoy now? That's what I'm working on :-D Hang in there!