Hello a little lost, wow, that was beautifully written! I have had similar experiences to yours. Especially when it came to being chosen last most of the time in P.E. Most of the popular girls hated me, and I'm not sure why that was. I never did a thing to them, and I was shy and still am.

It was even worse to be chosen last over a girl who'd just stand there in a game and not even try to do anything. I at least tried, and I was even told that I was good at certain sports like socccer. Anyways, as for Valentine's Day, it didn't bother me as much. It did hurt like hell to have been cruelly rejected for no apparent reason from a large group of friends a few times in my life. People who I thought liked me turned into some of my worst enemies overnight and I never knew why that was.

I was kind of different and quieter than most girls, so I guess they thought I was weird? I was a late bloomer too and while other girls were maturing physically and mentally, I still looked and acted like a kid, so I guess that didn't help matters any.

My mom was a huge nag, and she'd always criticize me for being to "fat" even though I was never fat back then. I just had a small tummy, but that's it. It made me hate myself and my body even more. It didn't help matters that my dad was emotionally abusive too and they were always fighting.

My sister was prettier than me, and she had lots of friends, and even she rejected me for years. She made me feel as if I was beneath her for years by calling me all sorts of names and laughing at me, so there was no escape at home either most of the time. I was stuck in hell until I got married and moved out.

That led to an eating disorder later in life that I got over on my own. I still struggle with self esteem issues. Thankfully I found a man to love me. My husband isn't perfect, and he doesn't get any of my issues, but I'm glad that he's with me. I always thought that I'd end up alone as no guy ever asked me out aside from one guy for a blind date who never called me back. Not that I cared about him.

Other male friends only seemed to want me for sex, and they were all losers with a lot of problems. I only had one ex b.f who I had to ask out since I never thought he'd ask me out. He was horrible. He used me for sex. In a weird way, it was good that I met him otherwise I probably wouldn't have met my husband at all if it weren't for me complaining about that loser to a friend that then introduced me to my husband.

Sorry for rambling. You are worth something, you are worthy of love. Just because other people excluded you, made you feel unwanted, and your mother made you feel the same, it doesn't mean that you're worthless or that no one will ever care about you. There are lots of mean and nasty people out there. They are unhappy, so they want others to be unhappy too. Stay away from those toxic people.

There are good people out there who will accept you the way that you are. Don't give up on yourself or other people just yet!